Drink. Drank. Drunk.

It was Friday night and yeah i got drunk....again. Its funny how easily it is to get drunk after a similar episode not so long ago.

But this time round how can I not? After...

3 Tequila Sunrise
2 Vodka Cranberries
2 shots Tequila
2 Long Island Teas
2 Singapore Slings
1 Red Wine
More Vodka Cranberries (I lost count!)

All within 3 hours. Am i such a bad drinker or what?

The guy next to me had asked me if it was my birthday cos he probably saw me happily chugging all the drinks down my throat. Fortunately it wasn't - cos i would want a memorable birthday that I REMEMBER. Well, at least most of it. :)

Anyways I had asked to get drunk so I could forget how terrible the club we were at. As opposed to my frens, I thought it was the shittiest club. EVER. I hated the music. I hated the crowd. I hated everything about it. And I did not want to be selfish and spoil anyone's mood by getting them to get up and go to a place I much rather be at, since I was the only one who hated it. So it was only fair i grin drink and bear it. Right?

Well, after having too many drinks within a short span of time, I started to get snapshots of everything around me. THAT was a red alert for me to stop drinking. So I decided to leave earlier than the rest cos somehow I knew if i stayed any second longer...I was not gonna make it. Morever, I was already starting to doze off - so around 2.30 am i took a taxi home.

And guess what? When i got home I couldn't open the door to my house. Tried as I might I couldn't open the damn door. And i kept thinking "what is wrong with the door" all the while swaying back and forth like a little drunkard. That moment I knew how drunk I was. I did not want to risk falling asleep in front of my doorstep, let alone allow my mom to see me in that condition, so I left.

Its amazing how I managed to walk down afters - a 10-min walk to the roadside to flag a cab. How i had motivated myself with "BIG STEPS. BIG STEPS. You're gonna get there" when I felt like I was gonna collapse anytime. Amazing how I managed to tell the taxi driver directions to a hotel. And later check myself in and pay for everything.

But I couldn't open the door to my own house?

And now i recall how I kept trying a whole bunch of keys when there was only ONE KEY that could open the main door. And all my keys happen to be labelled. The funny things people do when they're drunk. Sigh.

And i thought the whole drama had ended when I got safely to the hotel to sleep. But no - I forgot to tell anyone my whereabouts. So it seemed that everyone of my frens from the previous night searched high and low for me when they realized I didn't get home. They tried calling my mobile but it was off because my stupid phone shuts down conveniently on its own.

Was I kidnapped? Was I sleeping somewhere in the streets? Was I taken advantage of by someone?

So they started calling up other frens to check if I was at their homes. And they had decided if I didn't call any of them by noon - they were gonna conduct a search for me. Thank god I woke up at 11am! Turned on my mobile and saw tons of messages filtering in. And saved us all further dramas. Phew!

When i told my frens what happened, they found my story incredulous. One of them didn't believe I spent the night in a hotel - ALONE. It must have been a night of passion she had insisted. You must have been with someone, she had persisted.

Like how the hell was I gonna have sex if I couldn't even open my own front door?! Damn.

No more drinks for me. Not anytime soon.

Stolen Memory

Yesterday I had gone to Vie Bar to catch up with my best friend. It was her birthday and I know that I HAD to go out with her or I'll get killed somewhere along the course of our friendship. I am taking a well-deserved guilt trip here cos I have not been spending time with her.

And over wine, we had reflected on the good old times and the latest happenings in our lives. It always feels good to go out with someone close. Such comfort to be able to just sit back and enjoy effortless conversation. No pretensions. No barriers. Even after so many rough patches.

I also think my best friend secretly enjoys getting me drunk. Because she made me drink more than half a bottle of wine by myself.

And after wine, I had wanted to drink some more. See, the problem with me is that once I drink a little bit more than I should, there's no turning back. I will have the need to get sloshed or I cannot sleep.

So we headed to town and met up with two more friends. More drinks and 2 hours later it was total amnesia for me. I recall scraps here and there.

Like how i had stared into his eyes while he was talking but what was it that he said? No trace of conversations in my head.

Like how we had supper but what in the world did we talk about? I don't remember.

This may sound weird but I imagine my memory to be this white piece of paper, full of black doodles that means something, yet nothing.

How I got myself home is one amazing thing. To manage to undress, remove my make up, and check my email before i hopped on to bed was another. And to not remember any of that is freaking scary. I must have also eaten a cow for supper for I sure as hell felt like one when I woke up!

Today morning one friend tried to fuck with my memory.

"Do you know that you told us you like him"?

"No i did not. I don't like him".

But then again, i'm not so sure. Whether i said that. Whether i like him. Alcohol stolen memory...sucks.

I don't know when was the last time I felt this reckless. Getting sloshed in the mid week. Not giving a damn whether I could get up for work the next day. Living just for the moment.

And for some strange reason, it felt good.

Baaad Behaviour - jive version

If you have trouble understanding this Jive version, then read the original version. Then maybe ya' kin dig it whut ah' am sayin'. LOL.

* * *

I's gots'ta be so's bloody angry. Slap mah fro! You's know de kind'a anga' dat makes ya' feel likes ya' wanna chop sucka's down?

I hate it when mah' goathomeys o' any sucka dear t'me make 'suses fo' deir partner's baaaad behaviour. Ah be baaad...To me baaaad behaviour be BAD BEHAVIOUR. Dat be all dere be to it. Man! And nodin' mo'e. And whut do ah' mean by dat?

She went drough an abo'shun. And ha' boyhomey wuz at crib sleepin'. ah' duzn't deny dat she knows how irresponsible dat dude wuz t'not be dere fo' her. Ah be baaad...

But den she said "Dere wuz many times we wuz supposed t'meet - and he dun didn't turn down cos he fell asleep. Jes hang loose, brud. ah' can dig it."

Whut? Sappnin'? Did ah' hear ya' right? She wuz unconsciously makin' 'suses fo' ha' boyhomey. And it gots me dinkin'. Is dat whut love do t'sucka's?

Den ah' rada' not be in love. ah' rada' not be lied to. 'S coo', bro. ah' rada' not be cheated. ah' RATHER NOT be deceived. ah' mean why would ah' choose t'hurt mah'self? It plum duzn't make sense.

I'm so's sick uh hearin' tons uh excuses made down. By her. Ah be baaad... By oda' homeys. Sick and tired.

"Maybe he dun didn't mean dose doodads he said cos he wuz drunk".

"Maybe he hit me cos he wuz angry".

"Dree weeks. Maybe he dun didn't call me cos he wuz busy".

"We've been togeda' fo' five years. And he gots'ta find some betta' job".

"I know he's gonna leave his mama".

Ya-da. Ya-da.

Bollocks t'all uh dat. Man! I'm not even gonna say nuthin t'any uh dat. Man! In de fust place - ah' duzn't even have some right t'be so's angry! Right on!

Ha. ah' need some drink. Ya' know? ah' seriously need t'calm waaay down.

* * * De End * * *

Well. I sound like a black woman don't I? Ha, you can too. With the Dialectizer, you can sound like a redneck, even a MORON. Literally.

Yes i'm not kiddin! Go check this out. And show me some shit. *wink*

Bad Behaviour

I am so bloody angry. You know the kind of anger that makes you feel like you wanna chop people up?

I hate it when my girlfriends or anyone dear to me make excuses for their partner's bad behaviour.To me bad behaviour is BAD BEHAVIOUR. That is all there is to it. And nothing more. And what do i mean by that?

She went through an abortion. And her boyfriend was at home sleeping. I don't deny that she knows how irresponsible that guy was to not be there for her.

But then she said "There were many times we were supposed to meet - and he didn't turn up cos he fell asleep. I can understand."

What? Hello? Did i hear you right? She was unconsciously making excuses for her boyfriend. And it got me thinking. Is that what love do to people?

Then I rather not be in love. I rather not be lied to. I rather not be cheated. I RATHER NOT be deceived. I mean why would I choose to hurt myself? It just doesn't make sense.

I'm so sick of hearing tons of excuses made up. By her. By other friends. Sick and tired.

"Maybe he didn't mean those things he said cos he was drunk".

"Maybe he hit me cos he was angry".

"Three weeks. Maybe he didn't call me cos he was busy".

"We've been together for five years. And he will find a better job".

"I know he's gonna leave his wife".

Ya-da. Ya-da.

Bollocks to all of that. I'm not even gonna say anything to any of that. In the first place - I don't even have a right to be so angry!

Ha. I need a drink. I seriously need to calm down.

Hospitals

I spent the whole of today morning in a hospital. Accompanying a friend for her abortion. Her boyfriend had promised to turn up but he didn't.

Later, I found out that he was at home sleeping.

I had found it immensely disturbing. If your partner was going through a difficult period like this, would your conscience have allowed you to sleep? Oh no, it was apparent he was a man without conscience. He didn't exhibit one. Needless to say, action speaks louder than words.

And in between wafting in and out of drug induced sleep, she had cried. Out of anger. Out of sadness. Out of emptiness. Out of...disappointment? And it had been painful to watch - especially when I completely understood her raging mix of emotions.

I never like being in hospitals. I constantly dread accompanying people or visiting anyone. Even when I know that its not always about how I feel, but how my presence could make other people feel. I was glad I could be there for her. To be her pillar of strength.

But still i hate hospitals.

Maybe its the smell of antiseptic that hangs in the air. The sight of tear-stained faces. The heavy silence that awaits hesitant healing.

And maybe because, as always, something inside me stirs. Bringing back a flood of memories. And I am reminded, that I too, have a past.

I am Jes Bond. And I don't always like what I discover.

I'd be lying if i said i didn't have the intention of looking for her blog. Because I was. But not in the way I have searched for other blogs. Not like the many hours I would have spent trying to dig out blogs of colleagues, or just about anyone that interests me.

Why? Because I find it thrilling to discover things about people. Like some sort of a magic spell.

But hers. Hers was different. Hers had been a momentary spin. A quick attempt that I had not put so much thought into. An almost subtle try-your-luck gamble at the table - you either win or you didn't. I had tried her user id i saw on my MSN list - and added blogspot.com to it.

And bingo - I had found her blog.

Bit by bit, her life spilled before me. With each entry, I grew more fascinated. And tried as I might to get off the page, i couldn't. I kept on reading, an invisible force pulling and beckoning me to get to know the person I didn't know exist.

I was reading about her deep dark secrets. Her fantasies that she had kept hidden beneath her cool exterior. She had always been so poised. So...normal.

Then I saw it. The words she had written.

"Without any warning, she appear in my life. Is she the one? Can she be the one? Dear god, don't break my heart more than it already is broken. Cos she makes my heart jump. Maybe this is what love is all about".*

Blink. Blink. More words.

"I am so crazy about her. No matter how much we talk, I can't seem to get enough of her. She is someone special to me and will always be."*

What?

Oh. My. God. She's a lesbian? Why didn't I see it?

My mind became a whirl, of pressing questions that needed answers. In my mind's eye, flashback scenes in 2005 played back like a movie. Taunting me, drawing me in.

She had always given me a lift to everywhere I needed to be. I was after all the stranger in a foreign land. She had taken the time to show me around the city.

Was she as nice to everyone? I wonder.

We had a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant till very late. Deep conversations over martinis. Afterwards we sat in her car and I had rattled on and on about the kind of men I wanted to date.

Had she been disappointed? I wonder.

I had on a few occasions hugged her. Well because I hug all friends that I like. And she was one of them, no different from any other.

Did she like me touching her? I wonder.

Because the last entry in her blog was sometime in 2004 - before I met her. And i thank God. I really thank God that it was not her latest blog I found.

Because as much as i wondered about the things i didn't know, as much as I sat down in bed and pondered - they were the very same things I didn't want to know.

At least not those in year 2005!

*phrases written by her has been rephrased to protect her identity, especially from similar crazy bloggers like Jes Bond.

Most bloggers are assholes

Found this here and along with other good stuff.

Sales people can be morons

Sometimes i get really annoyed with sales people. No offence to any salesperson reading this - just that I can never find a salesperson thats balanced enough - in terms of providing customer service and exclusive selling techniques. There's always two extremes, none of which I'm in favour.

Today i was at V.Hive in Funan IT mall looking around for some office furniture. And it was my misfortune to come into contact with one particular salesperson. You know, the kind who can't wait to get out of your face before you even started. The kind who glares silently each time you ask a question, as though its a start to never ending questions. The kind who obviously do not even want to be there. Then quit you stupid fuck. These were the words screaming silently in my head. Why pass on bad service to other people?

He was obviously disinterested to serve me and answered my questions in monosyllables. And before I even finished, he had walked away. And i too, chose to walk out of the store. Why am I so upset, i hear you ask? Cos my company (which immediately translates to me) buy loads of furniture from them and at the rate we are expanding, we might as well buy over their store and make them our furniture division. And imagine the kind of experience he left me with? He had the cheek. The bastard.

There's also another bunch of sales people who try too hard to sell. By this i mean sales people who think I shit money - and they can't wait to get their hands on it. I walk in my favourite clothings store and these people are all over me - shoving clothes in my face. Clothes that i don't even wanna try.

I mean whats up with that? If i am interested, i will buy. If not, i won't. They don't have to molest me, right? Period.

It's one big CHILL

Its been raining like hell here the last couple of days. I haven't seen the sun in two days.

Cold winds sweeping around Asia are the apparent cause for the heavy rainfalls, they said.

Three more days to go before the rain stops, i had read in the papers.

I wanted to bitch about how I had slipped and fallen in the rain. My knee still hurts like crazy.

I had wanted to write about how I have been cooped up at home because going out in the heavy rain is too much of a hassle. And how much I hate going to work when the cold weather is just about perfect for an afternoon nap.

But never mind. Really.

Cos it just occured to me how lucky Singapore is compared to its neighbouring countries like Malaysia and Indonesia who are currently experiencing floods and landslides. Will we always be so lucky? And worse still - countries such as India, China and Korea are battered with heavy snowfall - such raging cold, that hundreds have died.

No, I dare not complain. I am warm. I am dry. I am safe. How can I complain when I am blessed?

I turn on my telly, and I see mothers crying. They have lost their children. Families huddled closely around bonfires, hoping to survive the night. And children...little children wandering around - looking so forlorn. And my heart breaks.

What is happening to the world?

First, a tsunami attack that killed hundred thousands of people. Then Hurricane Katrina murdering thousands and causing damages in billions. Next Kashmir earthquake taking with it tens of thousands lives. And now extreme weather in Asia - god knows how many more will perish. These natural disasters are seriously starting to freak me out. Not to mention, terrorist attacks and wars.

And i wonder, what next? Is the world really coming to an end?

Celebrity Lookalikes

If you have some time on your hands, go check out this celebrity lookalike site.

Basically, its a face recognition site where all you need to do is upload your picture and some amazing technology through the use of algorithms, detects your facial similarities with the faces of celebrities stored in their database.

Its really cool and I spent hours just playing with their stuff. I tried out all the different pictures I have, with and without make-up, just so I could see which celebrities I matched.

And i had a couple of good laughs when I tried out some pictures of friends - some of their faces could not be recognized as human faces. Lol. Of course i'm being silly -most likely its the angle of which the picture was taken. Pretty fun. :)

And in case you're wondering, most of the time it says I look like....

Isabella Rosellini

Kareena Kapoor

Moran Atias

Kate Winslet

Beyonce Knowles

Hilary Duff

Rani Mukherjee

Yes thats how much time I've got on my hands. Have a go at it ya'll. And tell me all about it.

Blonde Jokes

Blonde Jokes can be hilarious....but this one seriously tops them all! Go check it out!

New Year & KL Trip

I know i'm a little late on this, but happy new year guys!

I've been pretty flat out the last couple of days, hence the late posting. Yea, flat out with watching TV, lazing around, reading other people's blogs - my idea of being occupied.

But thats good news - at least for me. Cos 3 months ago, I didn't have the luxury of enjoying the simple things in life. I was overworked, unhappy - now with a new job that pays more and one that allows me to leave on time - I've got nothing to complain about, have I?

In the blink of an eye, its 2006. What are your resolutions this year? For me, i have stopped making them. Because they don't work. Instead, I'm going to create a vision - just like this guy. This somehow reminds me of Habit 2# from the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey - Always begin with the end in mind. Makes a whole lot of sense to me.

My new year celebration was different. Instead of sticking around in boring old Singapore, my friends and I went to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (KL). And unlike other 'normal' people who took the coach, we opted for the train instead. The plan had been to go 'rugged' and be more adventuresome. I had also been mildly accused of being a tai-tai*, therefore I took it in my stride to prove them wrong. That I was not a tai-tai. That i was adventurous and i could go rugged - like anyone else. So i had booked everyone on third class so that we could all suffer! *evil laughter*

But I had stopped laughing when I saw the train.


Boy, it scared the shit out of me.

The train ride was an 8-hour long miserable disaster. I nearly died. The bulk of the problem had been one stoopid bitch who sat next to me with smelly feet. Yes, smelly feet that were so nauseating i had slept with my neck arched towards the aisle. It felt like her feet were right under my nose! I was close to murdering her bcos the train was full and I had no way of swapping seats. My friends had looked pale, and one of them had motion sickness. It was plain torture. The death train went on rattling, swaying and banging its way violently into KL, and finally, after 8 hours, we arrived.

Got out of the frying pan, only to be thrown back into the fire.

Because Hotel Brisdale had at first looked promising - on the outside. Initially I couldn't believe our luck for i thought it was a 'rugged' hotel so I was secretly pleased with myself that I did not have to endure any more crap. Little did i know the events that were to unfold.

The washroom had tiny cockroaches that refused to die - even after i had sprayed them with tons of water - basically, attempts to drown the little bastards failed miserably. And the toilet flushes and transports you into some kinda warzone at the same time cos the pipes sounded like machine guns blasted in the air. Not forgetting to mention the leaks, thereafter.

And the hotel view - I had asked for a nice view. This is what I got.


Sigh. I remember standing at the window for 10 mins trying to digest the "nice" view - and everything else that came with it. Inside my head were just three words "oh my god", repetitively pounding in my head, till they became one - a splitting headache. Enough said.

Later part of the day, I managed to get some shopping done and dined out in Nando's, a nice peri peri restaurant.


At night, we went to Rum Jungle one of the hippiest clubs in town, for the countdown.


There were fireworks, lots of booze, and I made some new friends. But i couldn't really enjoy myself as I had caught a cold - but it was definitely one of the more pleasant memories during the trip.

We went home on Aeroline a luxury coach. I'm sure I heard everyone breathe sighs of relief - that i didn't book them a return on the train from hell.


Aeroline is this luxury coach obsessed with the idea of flights. So they have things like seatbelts to protect you from falling of your seat incase the coach "ever takes flight". And stewards to serve you light refreshments.


The food does not look appetizing eh? Because it tastes terrible. Period.

But it was a relaxing journey home - comfortable leather seats, warm blankets, scents of hot chocolate in the air. Perfect.

And after all the trauma drama, it feels really good to be home.

*tai-tai means a middle-aged woman who lives off her rich husband and spends her time shopping with socialites like herself and wears lots of bling-bling.

P.S: I'm no tai-tai cos I'm still young, single and have no bling bling! *big-hint*