Friday, March 02, 2007

The sandwich

Sometimes i think I'm crazy.

I don't tell anyone how I feel and I expect them to know. It's as though i think transparent thoughts and they, my good friends, are supposed to be able to see it.

Like how my friend did not celebrate my birthday back in bangkok and I got mad. But I did not tell her. I chose to tell her I was ok and then displayed a completely different body language. And when she asked again whether I was ok, I said yes and then yelled at her.

I am a master at the "sandwich theory" - where I paint a completely different picture of how I actually feel, and then, give the subtlest hint as to what might be going on. And later, cover it up with another round of bullshit.

Sweet. Would you like to get to know me?

And till today, I still haven't received my xmas gift from my best fren. She doesn't know its important to me that gifts must be given on time. That not making an effort to meet me for the last three months, says a lot of things. That maybe, I'm no longer important to her. That it bugged me when she said a complete stranger spoke to me more often then she did. But I did not tell her.

And now I feel a little bit angry, cos after being friends for so long, I ask myself how can she not know? You don't know a person for 7 years so you can "spell" things out for them right? It's ridiculous.

And then there's work. Every single day, its so bloody hard to get out of bed. So hard to focus on anything important. So hard to get anything done. And I'm so deluded as to think that by knockin back a pill and sleeping my whole weekend, I'll be ok. Or by moping around, things will get better by itself. Well fuck me, who am I kidding?

And there's so many other things, only worthless to mention - for i really cannot be arsed.

1 Comments:

Blogger Mr. G said...

"Sweet. Would you like to get to know me?"

Yes, very much!

But I think your concerns are understandable, especially since it's your best friend. But I think it's better to let her know about how you feel, rather than let her read it from here. (if she reads this)

10:33 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home