Falling

Its amazing how I can swivel from feelings of love and hate. Back and forth. And again, back and forth, like a good old pendulum.

Only its me I'm talking about. And I'm fuckin giddy from all that swinging.

We'll be on the phone for hours or havin coffee, and I'm totally cool at first. Fascinating conversation. A heated debate. Lots of laughter. Easy.

But the moment I get off or reach home, I start to ponder over the things he said.

And then I'll get really really mad. Mad like I wanna rip-his-throat-off kinda thing. And i'm just short of grabbing my phone to abuse him.

But I never get round to that. Maybe not yet.

And I'd just fall asleep feeling really angry. Clutching my pillows and thinking of how much I hate him. Like how did i even imagine that I was in love with him to begin with. And how I never ever want to see him or talk to him again.

And I'll wake up the next day. Still a bit furious. Still plotting his murder.

And then...I get an sms. A very charming one.

And I pretend not to be amused. I try extremely hard i tell you!

But almost instantaneously, I feel the beginning of a smile. And as if to agonize me further, i feel it spread slowly across my face. And un-furrow my clenched eyebrows. And I feel the warmth of a flush on my cheeks.

All these, against my will of steel.

Its like the raging storm brewing inside of me, never took place. Its as though the sun has awakened from its deep slumber...brightening my day.

Nope, I haven't been drinking.

I'm just meandering by, aimlessly. Falling...in and out of love with him. Currently out of love, as I speak.

Please wake me up when December comes.