I am Jes Bond. And I don't always like what I discover.
I'd be lying if i said i didn't have the intention of looking for her blog. Because I was. But not in the way I have searched for other blogs. Not like the many hours I would have spent trying to dig out blogs of colleagues, or just about anyone that interests me.
Why? Because I find it thrilling to discover things about people. Like some sort of a magic spell.
But hers. Hers was different. Hers had been a momentary spin. A quick attempt that I had not put so much thought into. An almost subtle try-your-luck gamble at the table - you either win or you didn't. I had tried her user id i saw on my MSN list - and added blogspot.com to it.
And bingo - I had found her blog.
Bit by bit, her life spilled before me. With each entry, I grew more fascinated. And tried as I might to get off the page, i couldn't. I kept on reading, an invisible force pulling and beckoning me to get to know the person I didn't know exist.
I was reading about her deep dark secrets. Her fantasies that she had kept hidden beneath her cool exterior. She had always been so poised. So...normal.
Then I saw it. The words she had written.
"Without any warning, she appear in my life. Is she the one? Can she be the one? Dear god, don't break my heart more than it already is broken. Cos she makes my heart jump. Maybe this is what love is all about".*
Blink. Blink. More words.
"I am so crazy about her. No matter how much we talk, I can't seem to get enough of her. She is someone special to me and will always be."*
What?
Oh. My. God. She's a lesbian? Why didn't I see it?
My mind became a whirl, of pressing questions that needed answers. In my mind's eye, flashback scenes in 2005 played back like a movie. Taunting me, drawing me in.
She had always given me a lift to everywhere I needed to be. I was after all the stranger in a foreign land. She had taken the time to show me around the city.
Was she as nice to everyone? I wonder.
We had a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant till very late. Deep conversations over martinis. Afterwards we sat in her car and I had rattled on and on about the kind of men I wanted to date.
Had she been disappointed? I wonder.
I had on a few occasions hugged her. Well because I hug all friends that I like. And she was one of them, no different from any other.
Did she like me touching her? I wonder.
Because the last entry in her blog was sometime in 2004 - before I met her. And i thank God. I really thank God that it was not her latest blog I found.
Because as much as i wondered about the things i didn't know, as much as I sat down in bed and pondered - they were the very same things I didn't want to know.
At least not those in year 2005!
*phrases written by her has been rephrased to protect her identity, especially from similar crazy bloggers like Jes Bond.
Why? Because I find it thrilling to discover things about people. Like some sort of a magic spell.
But hers. Hers was different. Hers had been a momentary spin. A quick attempt that I had not put so much thought into. An almost subtle try-your-luck gamble at the table - you either win or you didn't. I had tried her user id i saw on my MSN list - and added blogspot.com to it.
And bingo - I had found her blog.
Bit by bit, her life spilled before me. With each entry, I grew more fascinated. And tried as I might to get off the page, i couldn't. I kept on reading, an invisible force pulling and beckoning me to get to know the person I didn't know exist.
I was reading about her deep dark secrets. Her fantasies that she had kept hidden beneath her cool exterior. She had always been so poised. So...normal.
Then I saw it. The words she had written.
"Without any warning, she appear in my life. Is she the one? Can she be the one? Dear god, don't break my heart more than it already is broken. Cos she makes my heart jump. Maybe this is what love is all about".*
Blink. Blink. More words.
"I am so crazy about her. No matter how much we talk, I can't seem to get enough of her. She is someone special to me and will always be."*
What?
Oh. My. God. She's a lesbian? Why didn't I see it?
My mind became a whirl, of pressing questions that needed answers. In my mind's eye, flashback scenes in 2005 played back like a movie. Taunting me, drawing me in.
She had always given me a lift to everywhere I needed to be. I was after all the stranger in a foreign land. She had taken the time to show me around the city.
Was she as nice to everyone? I wonder.
We had a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant till very late. Deep conversations over martinis. Afterwards we sat in her car and I had rattled on and on about the kind of men I wanted to date.
Had she been disappointed? I wonder.
I had on a few occasions hugged her. Well because I hug all friends that I like. And she was one of them, no different from any other.
Did she like me touching her? I wonder.
Because the last entry in her blog was sometime in 2004 - before I met her. And i thank God. I really thank God that it was not her latest blog I found.
Because as much as i wondered about the things i didn't know, as much as I sat down in bed and pondered - they were the very same things I didn't want to know.
At least not those in year 2005!
*phrases written by her has been rephrased to protect her identity, especially from similar crazy bloggers like Jes Bond.
Posted by Miss Jes at 12:16 am
8 Comments:
Ah, life and its curve balls.
hmmmm....interesting and curious post!
Miss Jes:
I found you through commenting on my blog and I'm glad I did. Your blog is fantastic! I will be back!
sometimes things are better left alone.
Jay - Extreme curve balls you mean.
Dawn - Lol...curiosity killed the cat?
fyrchk - thanx.
liuhua - oh no. am not planning to do anything! :)
-immediately starts adding blogspot.com to EVERYBODY'S names -
and if she were a lesbian with a crush on you, what would the harm have been. setting her clear that you were str8 would be important, but it would have been a compliments
jay - you have been warned! :)
cris - Lol. I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty.
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