Nostalgia

Sometimes when i look back, i laugh at how silly we both were to fight. But its too late now...a little too late for regrets.

I never liked him the first time i saw him. I had found him arrogant, boastful even, and a typical MCP.

He's smart, has a good job, maybe a tad too proud for my tastebuds. But above all, we were 'different' culturally, maybe thats why i never looked at him that way. Then, i got to know him better. And I found him interesting to hang out with. He always gave me a different perspective. I liked him...but not that way.

Whenever we went out, there was this sense of comfort. Maybe it was because we could relate on various topics. There's always good laughter. Deep, meaningful conversations over wine. The familiarity of connecting effortlessly.

There was also a certain kind of excitement that hung in the air whenever he was near. He was always so composed, it fuelled my curiosity as to what laid underneath. And i could only wonder. About his prolonged gaze into my eyes. Of him standing too close for my comfort. His touch leaving me warmth in funny places.

He had hurt me on a few occasions, and i had forgiven him. Because he had aplogized. Because he was a gentleman. Because they were small things. Except that one time. He had stirred a rage inside of me. And everything had shattered, into a thousand fragments, impossible to mend.

Today i thought about him. Just as i had on other days. Whenever it rains. Whenever I'm sad. Whenever i'm nostalgic about people I've lost. I had thought about our conversations on MSN. Of his stories during our late night phonecalls. His practicality. Him laughing at himself.

And I miss him. But he doesn't have to know.