Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Clarity

I had envisioned crying myself to sleep last night for all the trauma I went through in the day. But surprisingly I did not.

In fact, I recovered rather quickly. Maybe because he was there to cheer me up. Dinner had been wonderful and I really must take my hat off to him for being able to take my mind off my troubles.

On a serious note, I can't believe a best friend I love and care about could go to the extent of saying such hurtful things about me in a public blog. What started off as a harmless expression of my feelings, has escalated to this. I can't believe she's vicious enough to pull such a cheap shot to intentionally want to cause me pain.

I know that I can stoop to her level and be as immature as to shoot my mouth off, causing even more extensive damage than this, but the end result is only going to embarrass both of us further. Besides, I'm not that poisonous.

She has opened up a can of worms - one that is never going to be closed.

I'm a firm believer that whenever the same things happen twice in my life, it is because i did not learn the lesson I was meant to, the first time.

That maybe we were not meant to be friends, after our first major fight. But somehow I tried, thinking it was going to be alright.

Maybe I thought our friendship ran much deeper than that. That after all these years, she had forgiven me. Obviously, I was wrong. Cos she keeps throwing the past in my face. Time and time again. And i had quietly taken it.

Maybe out of guilt for the things I have done. Eventhough the circumstances then was beyond my control. Eventhough it wasn't my fault alone.

But not this time.

Cos I think I have paid enough for my mistake. And she is not God to punish me over and over again.

As with most things, I said a prayer last night and asked God for clarity. His message seemed clear enough. I woke up today knowing in my heart I was no longer feeling down.

There is a wise saying "you gain some, you lose some". I know who I have chosen and what I've gained. And I don't think I've lost anything worth keeping.

2 Comments:

Blogger Mr. G said...

Sorry it turned out this way. It happened to me as well, hence my comment in the previous post.

That's why I never blog about friends in public. At least not in a negative light. Just causes way too much problems.

Maybe she was upset to read it on your blog rather than hear it from you in person, and she felt attacked, and so she retaliated on hers.

But my advice would be to meet up and talk things out In private.

3:38 pm  
Blogger Miss Jes said...

Indian Stallion - Earlier on I had tried asking her to meet up and trash things out but didn't think she was keen to make things better. Frankly i didn't mind the retaliation bcos it was quite funny at first how we tried to annoy one another. But things have gotten worse because she has attacked me by using things that she knew would hurt me. Really no excuse for such behaviour if you ask me.

4:45 pm  

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