Bloodsuckers

Do you have any friends who call you up and continue talking even after you mention that you are on the other line?

Oh, tell me about it. Cos my sister (herein termed "Bloodsucker") is one of them.

Yesterday I was talking to a client on the phone when Bloodsucker called. Before you ask me why i chose to answer her call in the first place, let me tell you. From previous experience, if i didn't pick up her call or if I cancelled it, she'd call me again and again.

So I told my client to hold on the line, answered the call on my mobile and immediately said, "I'm on the other line, i'll call you back".

That must have been lost somewhere admist her loud chattering, for she continued yabbering, this time trying to rush through whatever information she wanted to say, as though she was in some kinda earthquake and any minute the calamity might swallow her.

I listened for a bit. Nope, this can wait, i thought.

And i quickly said, "I really can't talk to you. Can i pls ca...?"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Silence.

She hung up even before I could finish!

What would you do if you were me?

Oh no, i didn't get angry. I continued talking to my client for the next 5 mins and then resumed work on my computer.

Soon a text message came in from Bloodsucker.

"If you want to buy item A from shop B, you can....ya-da ya-da ya-da"

Can anyone please tell me what was so important about that piece of information that it had to be communicated right there and then?

No, the shop was not going to close down. No, there wasn't any offers. Nothing of that sort. Basically it was information she could have told me a week after, and no lives would have been in danger.

So can someone, anyone, please enlighten me why that couldn't wait?

Being the typical person with amazingly slow reaction, I then saw RED.

With eyebrows furrowed deeply and a string of vulgarities as accompaniment, i composed a nice reply to Bloodsucker as shown.

Noted. Two things you need to take note.

1. If i say I'm busy or am on the other phone, please do not attempt to carry on the conversation.

2. This is related to Point 1. If you cannot understand that and need to hear me repeat that I'm unavailable, then i will gladly repeat that for you but please do not hang up the phone on me in a rude manner. It is not only annoying but it makes you look psycho too.

If you cannot adhere to my simple request, I urge you to refrain yourself from calling me. Thank you.

And during the journey home from work, I had re-read the message I sent and thought maybe I was a tad too harsh. I don't know, but stupid things like that simply drive me mad.

Especially when it was a poisonous monday and I've had too much to handle.

Oh. And i'm not going to apologize.

Choices

Sometimes I don't know if I'm happy with my job.

Before anyone berates me for being lucky enough to have a job, i'd like to say that I do of course, realize that I am fortunate compared to starving people in Africa and am thankful that I'm not poor and do not have problems that come from being jobless.

I had talked about being overworked. I had talked about how I am much better off now. About how i can leave work on time. That is all true but to a certain extent I'm not sure if I'm really happier. I'm not sure if i'm really much better than before.

I am paid much more now but seriously I feel money does not always constitute career satisfaction. Many of you out there may disagree with me. For me, career satisfaction is not only derived from being paid my worth but also existing job challenges that will keep pushing me to the next level. To learn new things. And of course, to grow as a person.

But not this job.

No offence to other Administrators and Office Managers, but sometimes I feel I'm doing a no-brainer job. I'm supposed to manage the office - a new unstructured environment, putting in processes and new systems but most of the time i am just meandering by completing the most basic office duties.

My previous job had been an important position where I could make earth-shattering decisions. So how do I feel empowered to do my job when all i do each day is answer calls? Pay some bills. Order some stuff. Print and bind. Filing. Run errands. Repeat the whole process ten times. Can anybody understand how I feel?

And whenever I feel like this, the same old thing always comes to mind.

Before i left my previous job, I had gone to a wise old man to seek advice. I am calling him the wise old man cos he's like a fortune-teller and advisor.

Wise old man does not tell you anything which you do not ask. So even if he sees that you are going to die, he will not tell you that, unless you ask "Am i going to die?". Maybe its against the fortune telling laws, that only he knows. Lol.

And he too, will not tell you everything that he sees. And no, there isn't a crystal ball. Just some funny beads with strange inscriptions on it.

Well I know this sounds crazy and I know that many of you may not believe what I'm going to say - but he had been accurate. More than I care to admit.

In August last year I was supposed to meet a guy. I was very excited at the thought of meeting someone new in my life. That I got excited even one month before that.

August came and went. I did not meet anyone new.

On the 1st week of September, I got introduced to a guy by one of my friends. Later, i found out that this guy was supposed to visit Singapore in August, but he kept changing his flights so he ended up travelling to Singapore only in Sep. He was Mr August!

And there were many other things wise old man told me, like my health condition, my love life. Things only I knew. Things i had kept to myself.

So before I made plans to quit my job, I had gone to him about my job concerns. Twice. And each time he had told me the same thing. He said not to quit. He said I will find a job in March 2006. He said I should be patient.

At that time, unhappiness drove me to a point where I told myself that I could change fate. Even if what he said would come true. That I was the one who would decide where my life was going. And no one else.

He had told me to wait. I did not wait.

And sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice.

What goes around, comes around

I hadn't been completely honest when I said I left my job because I was overworked.

Being overworked and stretched over normal limits are things I still consider bearable. But not pretentious backstabbers in the workplace. That i will not tolerate at all.

It was not long after she joined the company, that I began having trouble. She was part of my team and I had been assigned to coach her for the first 3 months. Things were ok at first. Her work was not that fantastic. Repeated careless mistakes that I closed one eye upon, only because I did not want to be difficult.

Then out of nowhere, she complained that she was overworked. Not to me when I was actually the one overseeing her work. But directly to my boss.

And before I knew it, I had to take on 50% of her workload. She left at 6pm everyday, while I struggled like a mad woman trying to meet deadlines, complete tons of paperwork, travel in and out of the country, etc. If you were in my shoes what would you have done?

My thoughts were at first filled with burning questions. Questions that desperately seeked answers.

Why did she do that to me? Was it because I was so much younger and more successful? Was it because she had an inferiority complex?

But I never got my answers. As time went by, there wasn't a need to. Cos her actions said it all.

I guess the worst part of it was having a boss who was not supportive. A boss who was not new to the company, yet couldn't at all understand the dynamics of my work. A boss who could not appreciate the 2 years I had contributed to the company.

So i had to bear the brunt of it all. And i continued slogging - in silence.

That was the worst period in my life. Ever. I was so demoralized that work eventually became a drag. But somehow I managed to drift by.

Until that very day. I saw a recommended review to adjust her salary to more than what I earned. That was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

I had never felt so much anger before. A pounding rage that drove me to a point where I wanted to hurt someone. Uncontrollable fury that I bit my lips unconsiously while sleeping. Imagine my horror when I woke up to find bleeding lips.

Oh believe me when I say that God has eyes.

A week later, I found a better paying job. I had initially found it hard to believe. I blasted out my resume only three days before. It was the only interview I ever attended. And unbelievably, i was on my way to greener pastures.

So why, after so long, am I baring my soul?

Cos today I met up with an ex-colleague. And I was told that she is currently suffering from depression. I have no idea what caused it but I had found it extremely disturbing.

All I can say is I believe in karma. What goes around, comes around.

I hate her. I cannot justify why, even when I'm so much better off now - but I still do. Even when I don't believe in carrying emotional baggage.

But i too, pity her. So i pray that she will be alright.

After all, I am only human.

Wisdom Teeth - Episode 2

Sometimes I wonder what happened to that little girl I knew 15 years ago.

Oh, she had been such a brave soul, pulling out all her milk teeth on her own, while all other kids cried and got frightened. She even found her way back home by herself, in the middle of the night where she had earlier wandered off from her mother during a shopping trip.

I don't know what happened to her.

But i know for sure that no one would ever mistake that little girl to be me. Cos I haven't the faintest idea how in the world I've grown up to be such chicken-shit. Really.

I had gone to the dentist yesterday for a consultation and x-ray ever since my wisdom tooth created a hell of a problem. I knew for sure that a surgery was imminent but what I didn't know was that I had to extract all FOUR WISDOM TEETH! Damn! Could things get any worse??

Me : (shocked like hell) WHAT? I thought it was just one tooth.

Dentist : Nope. All four of your third molars are impacted. I advise you to remove all of them as they are compressing against your nerves. Take a look here. (pointing to the x-ray) Your nerves have plunged deeply way below normal.

A fleeting thought had crossed my mind when I first looked at the x-ray of my skull. About how we can or try to be so pretty on the outside, but inside - we all look the same. I don't know why I had thought of something so strange. Freakkky.

Me : (looking all pale-stricken) Oh. Ok. So i'll be alright after the surgery?

Dentist : I have to inform you first about the risk involved in the whole procedure.

Me : (beginning to PANIC) I'm not gonna die right?

Dentist : (smiling really widely) Oh no, you're not. We are gonna have to remove some of the bone mass in your jaw in order to remove the tooth so there's a 15% chance you may not be able to feel your cheek, chin and lips for the next 1 - 3 months.

Today I am still numb.

What? Am i supposed to be relieved that its not some major risk my twisted mind had imagined? I am unsure as to what I should feel. In fact, I think I am already quite terrified at the possibility of not feeling some parts of my face for 3 months.

And the only one thing I'm sure of, is I definitely do not want to feel anything during the surgery so I have opted to be under general anesthesia.

Ah. The chicken-shit that I am. *beams proudly*

Many weird scenarios played in my mind last night. Right after my best friend had teased me about my face bloating up after the whole thing. About eating porridge for 2 weeks. And how its gonna drip all over me cos I won't be able to feel a thing. How i might not even realize porridge is dripping.

"You are so gonna look retarded" she said with glee.

Gee...thanks. With friends like that I sure don't need enemies, do i? Lol.

And so I had let my imagination wander. Just a little bit more. Visualizing someone kiss me and afters I'll go, "You mean you're finished?". *grin*

Am i going a tad too far or is it really THAT bad?

Well, I guess I'll find out soon enough. In 5 weeks time - the HARD WAY.

Stooopid

I was dreaming of my colleague and 2 mins later I woke up in shock. You know the kind of shock that leaves your heartbeat racing.

Bom. Bom. Bom.

The kind of shock that leaves you gasping for air.

And you sweat profusely as if you've just gotten away from someone chasing you for miles.

Then, came the REAL SHOCK.

Time check. 8.15am.

My eyes popped open.

WHAT? Oh Shit. I'm late for work! I'm supposed to be there at 8am. What am I gonna tell my boss?

"Fuck, fuck, fuck".

"Dammit! Quick, think of a lie".

I scrambled out of bed and stood in front of my wardrobe.

I don't know what to wear. I need a lie. I'm so bloody late.

I fucking hate this!

#!4#&*)*%#@$^&*((%$^(*^@!!^(

And then something told me to check my handphone.

4th Feb 2006.

Then...I realized it.

It was a FREAKING SATURDAY! (nope i dun work on weekends!).

Can you believe that? No I don't!!!

#!4#&*)*%#@$^&*((%$^(*^@!!^(

Gosh! Have you ever felt this stupid in your life?

Of course...i went back to sleep. Duh!

Wisdom comes with GREAT PAIN!

I have been avoiding the dentist like a plague over the last few years.

Mainly because my teeth are badly stained with cigarette smoke, coffee and i-dunno-what that I am more than a little bit embarrassed to go for a check-up. I mean what if the dentist totally freaked out at the sight of my teeth and says whatever damages in my mouth are totally irrepairable?

This may sound strange but I rather not know than hear anyone say that.

Well anyway, the wisdom tooth erupting its way out at the back of my mouth, left me with no choice but to visit one on Wed. Cos I was suffering from really bad swelling all the way down to my neck.

And guess what? There's nothing wrong with my teeth! Its just removable stains and one impacted wisdom tooth, said the dentist. I was so relieved! All imaginary problems like black fillings and decaying gums disappeared that instance.

She even gave me a complimentary polishing on my front teeth (she must have thought it was so bad) so I can look pretty again. *grin*

Here comes the not-so-good part.

I may have to go for an oral surgery to remove the wisdom tooth. I will only know on Monday after some Xrays and further consultation.

Someone has told me some stories of wisdom tooth surgery.

Imagine swelled up gums that makes you nauseous. Imagine nothing but porridge cos you are not allowed any solid foods. Imagine having a terrible headache like someone nailing your head continously. All that for a week and maybe MORE.

The thought of that makes me very depressed.