Crossroads

What would you do if you had to make a choice between your career and love? Which would you pick and why?

Taking into consideration the current situation I unfold before you.

Like knowing there's so many things changing in your organization and the best boss you've ever had in the whole wide world, tells you he's leaving. And there's the possibility that he wants to take you along.

And you WANT to go along.

Cos the new boss is a difficult man and you don't really want to work for him. Not in a million fuckin years. Even if thats the last available job on earth.

Basically, you're just short of telling him to go fuck himself.

And the notion of life in an exotic, foreign land bewitches you. A better salary. The likelihood of an expat package. Maybe even flight allowances for your friends.

Finally...the chance to satiate your restless soul.

Finally...the opportunity to break away from the mundane shackles of life.

Then on the other hand, you suddenly think of him. Because someone planted the idea of romance in your head. This man, who potentially, could be the love of your life.

And you sit down and you really... start to wonder.

That maybe, this is it. Your one shot at love. Maybe your last, in the next 5 years.

Since you finally found someone whom you can talk to about everything and anything under the sun. And your gut feel tells you he's not listening only because he wants you in his bed, he listens because he's genuinely interested in your life.

And you know it, because he doesn't fall asleep while on the phone with you. You know it, cos he remembers every single detail about you.

And he supports your goals, and you find it uncanny how you both think alike and share similar dreams.

And at the back of your mind, you start to weigh the possibility of executing that two-year plan.

Cos you know its the start of something deep and meaningful, but you just haven't found a name for it. And even if things don't work out, you know you'll be really good friends. Of course, after lots of yelling and tearing his hair out, that is if you haven't already driven him mad.

Point is, you are just not done with this guy yet. And long-distance relationships are seriously out of the question.

And of course there's the bunch of family and friends you love oh so deep-deep, but you know they're happy for you whatever your choice is.

So what would you do if you have to make a choice?

You have your cake. It's right there. In your face. But you can't eat it.

And its not long before you have to decide if you want to die from excess salivation, due to prolonged ogling at cake, or if you want to find something else to eat.

Oh, I am so talking to God. Tonight.

My two-year plan

So before I hit 25 or 26, I planned for us to get our own studio. A small little cosy place close to town.

See Singapore real estate law allows any joint singles to purchase a private housing together. So it'll work out for both us.

But why joint singles, I hear you ask? Cos I don't think I want to marry him yet.

I'll have to make sure he has at least 50k in his CPF ordinary account, cos by that time I will, if not more. And not to mention cash savings too, for rainy days.

And both of us will have to earn 4.5k at the minimum so that we won't have to pay cash for the house. And more importantly, we won't have to curb our spending at all. Cos i have...errr...quite expensive taste.

Maybe part of it will go to our car, a very small one, cos I don't believe in driving here. If he wants to, he has to convince me first. And if he doesn't succeed, he'll just have to pay for it. And on top of that, drive me around.

I imagine us having our friends over on our weekends. We'll have a small wine cellar for me and the best friend. He has to learn how to appreciate wine. And know how to swim too, so he can teach me. I must look up to him in some way right?

And we must have a barbecue pit - I love organizing parties and all that stuff.

We have to have a nice kitchen with some sort of attached bar counter cos I love to cook. Why a bar counter? So he can have a beer every now and then. And watch me cook. Or even better, we'll cook together. Its good cos we won't have to spend too much eating out.

I can't clean for nuts - but I already know how to fix that. We'll just get a weekend maid to do our laundry and keep our house spick and span. And because i don't trust people easily, I already know someone who can do that.

And we'll both travel a fair bit, so we'll have time to miss each other. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. To be blunt, its just so that I won't get sick of him.

And at least when we return from our worldy travels, with our worn-out luggages and exotic experiences, it'll be to our own private sanctuary. A place we call home.

Nice plan huh?

Now all I need is a boyfriend.

I don't get it

I don't get how some people can be real obstinate.

I'm talking abt doing the simplest things in the world like giving your postal address to someone. And not to a stranger, silly! To someone you call your best friend.

I just don't get it.

I'm supposed to be out of the office by now. But somehow I can't even move. I am still here.

Paralyzed.

Sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with her.

During Xmas, two of my frens bought a gift for her. And its been sitting here, in my office for almost three weeks. Taking up space which is totally unnecessary.

And everytime I turn, I get a little pissed at how I have to move the goddamn bag containing the gifts just so I can reach for something. Does anyone know how fucking annoying that is? Especially when you're busy.

And for fucks sake, Xmas is over. The tree is coming down. Shouldn't the gifts go too? I am tempted to just squish the bag around with my foot but I can't do that to things that don't belong to me. Besides its not just her gift thats in there.

I don't have the time to meet her. I've been flat out with work and planning 101 things and going back to how my life used to be before I fell sick. Thats another story which I will tell another day. For now I've given my word to frens to help give it to her, then I should, shouldn't I? Since my word is my bond.

But no. She rather I gave the gifts back to my two frens and meet up with them herself since I am too busy to pass it to her.

You see? This moron doesn't know what busy means. Giving it back to the two frens would mean i have to make TWO separate trips to TWO different ppl and she has to meet them on TWO different occasions to receive the gifts. All that drama when I can quickly solve it by mailing it to her at ONE time.

Indians. Dunno what the hell is making them so cranky. Maybe its the masala. They really should stop eating it.

And for now I really should go. I'm busy remember?

Fucking hell.